circumstantial or something like that

I read a short story today by my friend Martha. She’s a writer for a publishing company and writes with such ease and honesty. I enjoyed the piece very much. As I read I kept hoping for a certain ending… the happy ending. Where everything goes back to normal and there’s no sign of there even being a problem. But the story’s ending surprised me and made me stare blankly at the computer screen. Why did it have to be like that, I thought. Why can’t things just go back to the way they were? ...Like my family. My parents divorced when I was two. I have no memories of all of us being together. Although, there were those few times growing up that the four of us, mom, dad, brother and I gathered for awkward Christmases. Usually we just swapped houses each year. It was really brave of my parents to try. Thanksgiving was always mom and me together with friends. When I was young I would wish that they would get back together so that I could be normal. I was embarrassed to admit that I came from a divorced family. But I wouldn’t want the same thing today. God, in His magnificent grace, used a broken family to save me.

The story that Martha wrote also brings to light the importance of growth out of tragedy and out of suffering. In the life of the mother in the story, it seemed as though she allowed circumstance to decide her life. And I wonder how much of my life has been decided purely by circumstance, rather than making a decision based on how I should be living and sticking with it regardless of its consequence. I’m afraid to leave things behind enough that, I’d sometimes rather the circumstance of the situation decide for me. I don’t want to be responsible. [enter Faith, stage left]. Sometimes we have to lose something because it's for a greater good. There’s a an anonymously written poem Anne Lamott quotes in her book, Traveling Mercies, that I really like,

“After we jump into the darkness of the unknown, faith lets us believe that we will either land on solid ground, or we will be taught how to fly.”

Either one of those options seems stable to me. And I always prefer to fly. Sometimes you land on the ground further away from the spot where you started, and other times, you are in the air wondering why you ever hesitated to leap. I hope that these thoughts stay longer and delve deeper in my heart. I may not be able to change the circumstance for which I’m placed, but I most certainly have faith to pursue an eternal King with the confidence that by His hand I will be changed for His good purpose.