The excuse of being a sinner is getting old.

For many months I have been reading through excerpts from “Spiritual Revival the Want of the Church” by Charles Spurgeon. With each read through I see things that were once hidden to my heart. As Spurgeon said, “We Christians need a revival of piety in our lives…It is well known that it is no guarantee of a man’s honesty that he is a member of the church.” It’s certainly not that we deny our sinfulness so that we all “look” good on the outside. Nor is it that we just accept sinfulness as an excuse. I think the excuse of being a sinner is getting old. Something that I desire is to be more appalled by sin. I’m tired of the church overlooking not only our sin, but turning a blind eye to the sin of our brothers and sisters.

Great, we’re all sinners and we all know it. Shall I start passing out certificates of achievement? Somehow sin has become something that we recognize and we keep on sinning with no expectation to be rebuked. I want to fight against sin and not just acknowledge it. The last thing I want is to be surrounded by people who don’t care enough about my spiritual health by allowing me to continue in my sin. I have found the friends who became the closest to me have been the ones who, early in our relationship, made it clear that they were in my life to be my family at whatever the cost. No amount of my sinful heart would drive them away because it is understood that we are in need of each other. And isn’t that what it should be?

Yesterday, as I wrote the above paragraphs, I sensed that I was leaving out something pivotal। This morning I received a text message from a friend who works at a church in Irving about an article he had written about holiness. And I realized the cause of Christ and the glory of the Father far exceeds our insecurities to be deeply involved in each others’ lives. We need to learn to strive for God’s holiness, rather than attempting to “be holy.” By this I mean God is the object of His own affection because there is no other good. We must not “mistake outward piety for inward purity.” We must seek to uphold and desire that which is most good; we must ask to be made holy after only that which is most holy, God. “I’m a sinner” is a phrase too often used to excuse us from our disobedience to God, rather than confession and repentance of our fallenness to the Father. Our life is about God’s Holiness, and me passionately pursuing that and finding joy in Him. Saying goodbye to self is a difficult path, but one marked with grace through Christ.

happy people can't sense yesterday

they carry on dreaming of tomorrow.

why can't we pause on today?

how about today just being today?

why is it either past or future?

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christ and pain, and what do i know?

I opened up my book, "The Problem with Pain" by C.S. Lewis to take a look at what I was going to begin reading. Inside was a note written by a friend who had just been over. He must have written it when I stepped out of the room. It read, "The problem with pain is that it hurts." I laughed and smiled, then closed the book.

It's been four years since I found that note. I've thought about it pretty consistently since then. I often say it to myself, and I know I've probably said it to others. I believe there is actually something quite profound to the statement. Something which the world can't handle, but Jesus can. We are surrounded by such mind numbing, heart numbing technology, expectations and escapes that it's pretty clear our goal throughout life is to avoid pain. We'd rather not feel than experience pain. I've been asking why I expect my life to be painless. God doesn't promise that our lives will be pain free on this side of Heaven, but he does promise that, "…the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." (1 Peter 5:10) Peter assures us also that "the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world."

I see in the pain that is in my life right now that God is calling me to submit to Him. And although I've experienced pain since He saved me, this time is different. I no longer want to just move on and deny what there is to learn here. I want to face it. I want to settle into a peace that only Christ can provide. And maybe the true thing to see here is that life is very painful. I want to say things like, "It's unfair!" "Why do I suffer more than someone else?" and those statements are marks of my own immature heart. If I continue to wallow in the unhappiness of broken plans and hearts, then how deep is my devotion to my sovereign God? He is concerned with my passion for Him. He is concerned that "the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:4) is noticeable in the way that I react in difficult situations.

God is calling me to persevere, and it has a lot to do with the faith and trust I have in God. Do I really believe that His promise is real? That He is trustworthy? If I don't stand firm in that, then my witness to who Christ is and why He died and then rose seems to be shaken. But Matthew tells us that our God and His promises and kingdom are unshakeable. The lies that charismatically move like smoke into my thoughts are quickly rebuked by truth, but I must stand guard and resist.

"The problem of pain is that it hurts," and to live without pain is to not be alive.

1. Wednesday, April 18, 2007 I noted at 1:45 pm:
I wore my underwear inside out.

2. I don't have to be perfect for him.

3. It's funny to me how closed off I can be with one person, but then an open book with another.

4. On more than seven occasions the automatic air freshener has gone off as I have entered the ladies' room at work. I emphasize the word "entered." I don't understand, but I'm starting to take it personally.

5. April 23, 2007:
I'm in the magistrate court to get an extension on my defensive driving. There is a baby in here, and I smell something foul. But I suppose I can't assume that an adult didn't poo their pants. Maybe he was nervous.

6. March 9, 2007:
I saw a guy jamming out at the bus stop by my work at lunch. I slowed down and showed him my jam dance while flailing my hands through the opening of the sunroof. Big smiles. I like watching people enjoy life.

7. I read the obituary of a 19 year old man the other day. He was married February 18, 2007. He died at the end of March this year.

8. Sometimes even if something bothers me, I'll say it doesn't because I believe it makes me look stronger.

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