hay

There's something about hay that makes me breathe deeply and want to dance around the fields. That's exactly what I had the chance to do recently on my way back from Arkansas with 2 friends(Heather and Tahj). We passed several hay fields, but there was one in particular that I wanted to stop at. I not only photographed the field and sky, but danced and jumped and ran around the rolled hay. It was fantastic!

Tilling the soil, planting seeds, reaping the crops - it's all so noble a life. You have the ability to enjoy creation around you and live off of what you grow. Laura Wilson, photographer extraordinaire, published a book, Hutterites of Montana, documenting the life of a few communities of people who live entirely off of what they grow themselves. It's a beautiful documentary work. The pictures are incredible and she has pictures of the hay rolls as well (probably my favorite). See one of the photos from the book below.

"She's done it again."

My mom just drove into town yesterday afternoon. She had been in Michigan visiting my grandma and traveling around in Illinois and Missouri seeing family and friends. Since she's on her way back home to Harlingen, seeing me in Dallas is the perfect stop to catch up and have a break from driving.

Last night we went to my favorite Italian place, Olive Garden. I know.. it's a chain, but have you had their pasta fagioli soup? lasagna? calamari? tiramasu? So delightful!

So whenever my mom and I are together, I always poke more into our family, the divorce, her heart, etc. Last night was no exception. This time, though, she told me some funny stories about when I was little and what a handful I was.. and quite frankly still am. ha! She said that I always made her laugh and would cut up in front of the camera. There's the story of my mom, brother and me being at the grocery store and my brother tugging on my mom's skirt, pointing at me saying, "She's done it again." And there in the short distance I would be squatting relieving myself on the tile floor. That story makes me laugh every time.

Last night, however, my mom told me one I had never heard. She said that she bought this Slip N' Slide/sprinkler system thing and that most of the kids in the neighborhood would come over to play. My mom said that I unfortunately had trouble with wearing clothes at the time. I've always kind of had trouble with whatever authority was, I felt, "keeping me down." I suppose clothes were that authority then. And my mom said that she would go inside to get drinks for all the kids and my brother would run in seconds later, "She's done it again." And she would belt out a laugh and walk outside to see a pile of clothes, even my days of the week underwear, on the ground, and me running through the sprinkler and sliding without a care in the world.

love will come

I've never known you any less
As we stand face to face after all of this
Anger is vast, but love fills pain
And I'd do anything to be with you again

Full-hearted lies come to make dreams
To press my love until it bursts the seams
I'm at a loss, you never were
You never gave me half a chance to say the words

I do not need a reason, stolen love was never mine
I do not need a reason to let it go this time

Do not arouse or awaken love
Do not arouse or awaken love
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires

If i let it go, can I still wish
That it could all be swallowed by a single kiss
No stone to throw, no trust in fate
'Cause I believed it all a moment too late

I do not need a reason, stolen love was never mine
I do not need a reason to let it go this time
Let it go this time
Let it go this time

These are the song lyrics to Let it Go by Sandra McCracken. She is referencing Song of Solomon, specifically 2:7 which reads, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

(here is an excerpt from a great commentary on this passage):
This charge by Solomon occurs again later (3:5; 8:4). The point of Solomon's words is that others desiring the kind of relationship he and his beloved enjoyed should be patient and "let love take its natural course." The gazelle is a member of the antelope family, and the hind is a female deer. Both animals are skittish, and anyone who wants to get close to them must wait patiently. One cannot approach them aggressively. Similarly a man cannot awaken a woman's love clumsily.

Woodrow the Wagoneer

At the end of April I purchased another SUV because my beloved Wagoneer broke down...again. It's just one of those vehicles that you have to be prepared to fix little things on regularly. Besides that - I loved it, I still love it!

Woodrow the Wagoneer was the first car I ever had, and it was purchased the week of my college graduation. I saw him sitting in the grocery store parking lot calling my name. I had always dreamed about owning a Jeep, and I felt honored to be able to have the Final Edition Jeep Grand Wagoneer. I had many sanctifying experiences throughout the past 4 years, and I'm sad to say goodbye. Woodrow has been sitting in a parking spot since April - though I have been running him regularly to avoid build-up in the carburetor. It's for sale on Craig's List. I hope it sells soon.

So..in memory of my car, my friend Molly sent me the words to It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday by Boyz II Men. Because, let's face it, they know how to get to the heart of the matter. So here are the words to remember Woodrow the Wagoneer:

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweight the bad.

I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I do'nt know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

mixed, intermingled, mystery

I started a book by Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies. I had to make myself put it down at night in order to go to sleep. Then I lost the book and was in much despair. I was overjoyed to discover it today at work in this shelf where I keep my wheat bread. I don't know why I put it there...possibly to hide it from thieves. So I've got it again and had this email conversation with a friend today that made me think about Lamott's description of her own faith and thought I would share it here:

My coming to faith did not start with a leap but rather a series of staggers from what seemed like one safe place to another. Like lily pads, round and green, these places summoned and then held me up while I grew. Each prepared me for the next leaf on which I would land, and in this way I moved across the swamp of doubt and fear. When I look back at some of these early resting places - the boisterous home of the Catholics, the soft armchair of the Christian scientist mom, adoption by ardent Jews - I can see how flimsy and indirect a path they made. Yet each step brought me closer to the verdant pad of faith on which I somehow stay afloat today.

Known by Few

I'm usually surrounded by many people - but known by few. A good talk with my brother the week of my grandfather's funeral brought this to light. Nearly a year later, I'm seeing a change in this. Through hardship earlier this year, I have had to confide in others and ask for help in order not only to be held accountable, but to be vulnerable.

I have always had trouble letting others know when I'm in need. I want to always be okay, and fine, and great. My independent spirit cringes at the thought of needing something other than myself. This idea that I can be completely self sufficient is a lie. You need to be known and you need to know others. Being involved deeply in each other's lives breeds familiarity, confidence, and reliance on others.

Just because you have neighbors and you go to a bible study or Sunday morning church doesn't mean that you live in community. That just means that you are among a group of people living in the same locality or sharing a similar interest or identity. It is merely a masquerade of intimacy. To know the joys, triumphs, pains, trials and challenges of another - to live with them, alongside them - this is community.

a definite seinfeld moment

There is this Seinfeld episode where Jerry talks about how he used to work in an office and how he hated always having to make small talk. Well I have this Seinfeld moment several times a day. There seems, in the working environment, to be a need to continually greet one another while in the office. "Hey, how are you?" "What's going on?" "Hi." "Don't work too hard!" Does this seem strange to anyone else? I see you. I know you're there. Yes, I would like to know your restroom patterns and schedules. Please tell me.

what are you favorite small talk lines?

"The Crackumentory"

6 crackers. 57 seconds. No outside help.

What started as a playful challenge has now turned into a "mini" documentary, a "Crackumentory" if you will, about the ability to consume 6 salted saltine crackers, without outside help in under a minute.

I was a skeptic until, on a warm July night, I watched a friend put all six crackers in her mouth and chew aggressively for less than 45 seconds until, to my shock (and gasp that can be heard on the audio), she had swallowed what was left of the masticated crackers. Her exact time being 57 seconds. It was a feat I thought impossible. I'm glad that she accepted the challenge and even happier that she actually succeeded.

So I sent an evite out to about 50 people to come watch this "historical moment." Only 9 showed...but that did not dampen my spirits. I interviewed all that attended before and after the event, including the star, Lindsay Stengle, herself. The interviews are funny. In response to the question, What does the word cracker mean to you, John Dawson replied with, "I can't even begin to delve into the racial implications of that question." I love it. Did I mention, however, that there was definitely a lack of crowd involvement. In a scene panning those who attended you only see one person smiling and clapping. Everyone else is busy eating their dinner. I was asked whether or not the event could take place after everyone had eaten, to which Heather and I responded in unison, "It's just for ONE MINUTE."

The more I thought about how I wanted the short documentary to go, the bigger the story became. Last week I filmed nearly everyone in my office giving the cracker eating a go. The footage is hilarious. Everyone tried different strategies, from one at a time, to smashing every cracker up and eating them through a paper plate funnel.

To this date, aside from Lindsay Stengle, I have filmed no one else who can complete this treachorous feat. Look at a cracker closely and you'll see it's dangers. Crackers will tear your mouth and throat up.

I plan on working on this for the next few months and I'll let you guys know when it's finished. If you have any ideas or comments, please feel free to add them on here! I will certainly take your suggestions into consideration.